If you’re looking for advice on how to mend a broken heart then your heart is probably aching with pain right now. You just lost the person you loved and you feel devastated. When we get our heart broken, we often sit and sulk trying to figure out what actually went wrong. It can be confusing at times. How could they leave you just like that? How can they walk away from everything you guys have built together and be perfectly fine? Don’t they care? How is it so easy for them to move on?
These questions peruse through your mind, weighing you down like a ball of chains. Below you’ll learn 3 ways to mend a broken heart and get rid of that heavy burden that’s weighing you down.
How to Mend a Broken Heart in 3 Steps
1) Let Go of Anger and Resentment
If you’re the one that got dumped, it will be very tempting to point the finger at your partner and place all the blame on them (especially during moments of extreme hurt and sadness). However, you have to remember that the moment you give your heart to someone, you also give that person the opportunity to hurt you.
Being hurt is a part of being in love so as tempting as it may be get angry at your ex for hurting you, resist the urge to do so. Nothing good will come of it. It will only make you more angry and frustrated about what happened and you’ll have a pot of resentment brewing inside of you. No matter how justified you may be for feeling the way you do, the only person that you’ll end up hurting is yourself.
There’s a great quote by the Buddha that says:
There’s another common saying that essentially says the same thing in different words:
“Holding onto a grudge is like swallowing poison and hoping it poisons the other person”
The point here is that holding on to anger is not the least bit helpful. In fact, it will actually hurt you. The reason I shared both of these quotes was to highlight the importance of this. Pick whichever one resonates with you and repeat it to yourself a few times so that you can plant that thought in your mind and remember it the next time you notice any angry thoughts towards your ex.
Believe it or not, the best thing to do to someone who hurt you is to wish them well and really mean it. The sooner you can let go of the anger and resentment and move on with your life without any hard feelings, the better you’ll be. As they say, living well is the best revenge.
2) Embrace the Experience
If you were hurt really bad, it can be tempting to wish that you never even met them or cared about them at all. However, I urge you not to regret loving them. Instead, celebrate the time you spent together and embrace the new opportunity that you are being presented with.
In her book How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life, Susan Piver writes:
“Heartbreak presents one of the most profound opportunities for spiritual awakening that one could possibly hope for. It destroys your point of view, which is incredibly valuable. You can no longer maintain your opinion of yourself, your ex, or the way your life was supposed to turn out. It’s all gone.”
After my first really bad break up, I was devastated. My heart was aching and I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I felt drained and I didn’t have the motivation to do anything. I didn’t even want to get out of bed in the morning. Family members were worried about my mental and emotional state and were pleading for me to go get counseling. In order to appease them, I made an appointment with a therapist. I went in for my first session but got sick of explaining the whole story all over again after already talking about it for hours with my friends. I reached a point where I didn’t even want to talk to anyone about it anymore. I just wanted to crawl up in a ball at home all by myself and isolate myself from the rest of the world. I was depressed.
Then one day I got so sick of being down that I finally decided to do something about it. I picked myself up and I embraced the situation I was faced with. I was miserable, my life was a mess and whatever I was doing clearly wasn’t working. It was time for a change. Day by day, I pushed myself to learn and grow a little more. I explored various self-healing techniques and I tried just about everything I could find to help me deal with the break up. I began reading tons of books on love and relationships and personal growth and development. I became a “self-help junkie.” (I suppose there are far worse things to be addicted to)
As time went on, my search intensified. I began to question the very fabric of my being and I started asking questions like…
“What is the purpose of life?”
“Why are we here?”
“Why am I alive?”
“What am I really doing with my life?”
I didn’t have the answers but I was committed to finding them. Truth became my highest commitment and I spent hours upon hours journaling and trying to make sense of my existence. I guess you can say I was having a bit of an existential crisis.
And although I didn’t realize it at the time, I was actually in the midst of one of the most intense and sacred spiritual processes: the process of rebirth and awakening.
There’s a great saying that goes:
“The two most important days in a person’s life are the day they’re born and the day they realize WHY they were born.”
The process of realizing why is what I consider “awakening.” And not just awakening to life, but awakening to who you are so that you can become who you deserve to be.
3) Focus on Becoming a Better Person
I know the last section may have been much more spiritual than what you may have been expecting when searching for advice on how to mend a broken heart. However, the underlying message here is to embrace the opportunity that this experience is offering you so that you can grow and become a better person.
Once I did this, my whole life started to change. Within just a few short months, I went from depressed and miserable to incredibly blissful.
Before my days were filled with stress, anxiety and discontent and now they are filled with
peace, joy and fulfillment.
I felt the grace of something greater enter my life to guide me out of my emotional turmoil. That grace granted me an opportunity to start anew. Well, you have that opportunity too. You can embrace what happened and use it to transform your life for the better. You can take back control of your life and become all that you’re meant to be.
If you do this, you’ll eventually look back on what happened and see it as a blessing. In fact, after a few months had passed, I realized that my ex actually did both of us a favor by leaving. Not only did it free us both from a toxic relationship that wasn’t making either of us happy but it gave me exactly what I needed to “wake up” and make the changes that I needed to make in my life. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t easy to make those changes and it certainly took quite a bit of time for me to truly transform myself. However, after that experience, I decided to take control of my life and begin guiding down a path of my choosing.
Prior to that, I just sort of drifted through life and took what came to me. If I didn’t get what I wanted, I’d always find some sort of excuse for why things didn’t work out the way I wanted them to. I would often play the “victim” role and complain about bad things always happening to me instead of actually taking responsibility for my life. It wasn’t until I was faced with the excruciating pain of heartbreak that I made the choice to take full responsibility for my life.
It took a lot of agony to snap me out of my apathy
But once I did, life was never the same again. I became much more proactive about life. I learned the power of making a decision and carrying it out until it gets done, no matter how difficult the journey may be. After that, I discovered a power inside myself that I never knew existed. I realized that I could persist even in the face of great uncertainty.
Pain didn’t have the power to stop me, turmoil didn’t discourage me and setbacks didn’t knock me off course.
Through this experience, I also learned to be a lot more patient and compassionate with myself. I became much more “in-tune” with my feelings and more conscious of how things affect me. But most importantly, I made the decision to bend the world to my will so that I could live the kind of life that would truly make me happy. I wasted too many years of my life as a passive observer living a life of mediocrity. I was ready for a change. And although I didn’t fully realize it at the time, I was given a great gift: the opportunity to re-create my life. By having my heart broken, I was able to begin the work and exploration that I had avoided for far too long.
Baron Baptiste writes…
We all have flashes of awareness in which we realize that who we are in all our smallness has to break apart in order for a new self to emerge….I’ve learned that it is only when we are willing to give up the fragile hold we have on our illusions and come apart that we can begin to see the truth, surrender, and begin anew.”
Imagine your heart breaking open as a necessary part of opening up to something greater. Think of your heart widening to embrace all that your life is meant to be. Now that I look back on what happened, I realize that my heart was breaking open for a reason. I had a tremendous life-force that could no longer be contained. The life-force was one of passion and growth and it had become too big for the container that it was in. The breaking HAD to happen in order for my heart to expand and contain the extraordinary fullness that is flowing into my life every single day. I am glad that my heart broke open because I am now a better person because of it. I am much more positive and optimistic and also much more mature and self-aware. But even more importantly, I discovered a greater possibility for life and a sense of inner strength within myself that I never even knew existed.
Through the process of having my heart broken, my life opened to me. And with gratitude,
I am now open to life.
And if there’s only more thought that I can leave you with today, it would be about the power of gratitude and the incredible impact that it can have on your life.
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie
I hope that sharing my journey with you has helped you in your own healing process.
If you still feeling confused or frustrated about something that happened between you and your ex, click below to get my advice on how to mend a broken heart based on your situation